cayliana: (Default)
[personal profile] cayliana
So I am a proud member of [livejournal.com profile] rage_free , a community for true stories from the news or around livejournal that would typically cause people to want to throw something, and found a wonderful comment from [livejournal.com profile] sonneillon_v in a post about victim-blaming in rape that I think you all should see.
 
"As a good friend of mine who exemplifies the 'ethical slut' archetype would say, if he has a choice between possibly killing the mood for a minute and emotionally scarring someone for life, that's not really a choice. He's told me on more than on occasion, and I agree with him, that where sex is concerned, ANYTHING is good as long as everyone involved is having fun, and NOTHING is good if anyone involved isn't. You can push as many boundaries as you like with a willing partner, but you shouldn't put your hand on somebody's knee without their permission.

It comes down to respecting the person-hood of others - they have the rights to their own bodies, and the only body you have a right to is yours. When you're making love with them, you're infringing on their territory, stepping onto their sacred ground. It's not enough to just not be evicted, you have to be INVITED. Period. There's no gray, there's no half-way. Either you have two fully willing participants exchanging pleasure equitably, and it's all right, or you don't, and it's all wrong.

But the attitudes we're taught to have about sex are sometimes very very sad. I know of an incident where a girl actually made fun of him for pausing to get explicit consent. Apparently, having to clearly say that yes, she wanted him to fuck her, was embarrassing and killed the mood for her, and was somehow unmasculine of him, because real men don't stop and ask if they're allowed. At the time I thought this attitude was terribly juvenile. She's more than old enough to know better. But I also feel really bad for her because she honestly can't see how it's SO much better to have assumed 'no' than assumed 'yes'." 

Date: 2010-07-05 07:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] possumcowboy.livejournal.com
I've always been cautious in that regard. I've said things like, "You can tell me to stop, now, if you need to."

It's all about respect.

Date: 2010-07-05 06:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sanzo-chama.livejournal.com
That's exactly it, it's all about respecting the other person. Or should be, anyway.

March 2011

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